


In the Moment

by drowning_in_otps



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowning_in_otps/pseuds/drowning_in_otps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When's the last time you slept?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Moment

**Author's Note:**

> This was only supposed to be a short little drabble to get me in the mood to write, maybe 300 words or so. I don't know what happened. I really, really don't.

Jason grunted as he was knocked off of his feet, his back slamming hard against the training mats, hard enough to knock all semblance of thought from him. Also, whatever capacity he might have had to breathe. Because that was definitely impossible at the moment. As the stars cleared from his vision, something else filled it; worried green eyes and a face drawn in concern.

“You okay there, Jaybird?” Roy asked, holding out a hand towards Jason which Jason took after a moment and allowed himself to be pulled back onto his feet.

“Yeah, just peachy.” Jason dragged a hand through his hair, brushing it back from his face, though with him this close, Roy was able to catch the dark circles beneath the eyes that seemed almost more green than blue these days thanks to the Pit. 

And Jason’s sluggish movements during training, his late reaction times, suddenly made a hell of a lot more sense to Roy. “Uh-huh. And when’s the last time you slept?” He asked seriously, a brow raised as if just daring his friend to try and deny it or brush it off. 

Silence. Jason averted his eyes from the redhead, his jaw clenching for a brief moment before he forced himself to relax. He ignored the lie that instantly leapt to his tongue. Roy knew him too damn well not to see right through it and lying would do nothing but either a) piss the man off or b) convince him that it was something a lot more serious than it was which would then lead to c) Roy worrying his ass off because he was a fucking drama queen who always made more out of things than was actually there. 

So finally, he said, “You know when we battled that crazy hypnosis creature thing that was terrorizing London?”

“Tetraswarm? Yeah…”

“The night before that.” 

“...Jay?” And fuck was Jason lucky that Roy had the patience of a goddamn saint.

“Yeah?” 

“That was nearly _a week ago_. Human beings literally _cannot_ go that long without sleep. How the hell are you not --You should be _passed out_ or-or _dead_. What the hell is _wrong with you_?” 

Jason’s lips twitched upward, though only a little. “A lot, depending on who you ask.” Though now that Roy knew to look for it, he could _see_ the exhaustion in Jason’s eyes. 

Roy brushed a hand back through his hair and he was shaking his head, looking absolutely _incredulous_ at how fucking _stupid_ Jason could be. He cursed under his breath. “Christ, Jason. And would you care to enlighten the class as to _why_ you haven’t slept in nearly 168 hours?” Before Roy did something stupid like, oh, _strangle_ his best friend. 

Now it was time for Jason to look away again, his lips falling back into a firm line pressed tightly together, his shoulders tensing back up. Which did absolutely _nothing_ to calm Roy’s worry. Not even a little bit. After a moment, Jason said quietly, “I just...couldn’t sleep, okay? It’s no big deal.” 

“I’m pretty sure the fact that you haven’t slept in _168 hours_ is a _pretty big fucking deal_.” Roy’s eyes were sharp, careful, as they examined what he could see of Jason’s face and his own lips formed a grim line after a moment. “Was it the nightmares again?” He asked quieter, sounding a little more calm. There was really no careful or subtle way to ask that, and from the way Jason’s jaw clenched once more, Roy knew he’d hit the nail right on the head. 

Roy sighed. He might be oblivious at times and he might _act_ like an unobservant moron, but he wasn’t and if Jason’s perpetual nightmares had come back with a vengeance after the mission in London...well, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what exactly had triggered them. 

“Look, Jay…What happened back there, that wasn’t your fault, okay?” 

“Oh yeah? I want to know whose fucking fault it is then if it’s not mine,” Jason snapped and Roy winced slightly.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m gonna hazard a guess and say Tetraswarm?” Roy retorted with a dry note to his tone, though his eyes were pained. “You said it yourself, Jaybird. He had the whole hypnosis hocus pocus shit on his side.” They had just been lucky that it had twisted the state of reality, making it more of a dreamstate than actual _physical_ reality. And what happened in dreams couldn’t hurt you. 

Physically. 

Because they hadn’t _known_ that none of it was actually real, and Roy sure as hell could remember the feeling of Jason tearing through his skin, cutting him open and leaving him to bleed out, since Tetraswarm was such a treat and had used that shit of his to, in that creature’s words, _‘release the inner darkness’_ inside of Jason. Which ended up just basically being a melodramatic way of saying _‘Hey, let the Pit take over. Okay? Thanks.’_

And that, as luck would have it, had always been Jason’s greatest fear. To lose complete and utter control of himself to the Pit again. And Roy was seriously kicking himself now for not realizing that _of course_ Jason wouldn’t be alright after that. How could he be? 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Roy repeated firmly and tugged off his tank top before spreading his arms out, revealing his skin that was unmarred from any recent injuries. “See? No deadly injuries here.” Not that he expected that to soothe Jason in the least. 

Jason had described it all as being trapped in his own mind, watching his body move on its own while powerless to stop it. And shit, Roy couldn’t even _begin_ to imagine what that had to have been like. 

“It doesn’t change the fact that I can _remember_ doing it, okay?” Jason ground out, and the look within his eyes, the defeat, the _pain_ , felt like such a kick to the gut for Roy that all he could do was stare at the younger man for a moment. “It doesn’t change the fact that I can remember taking a knife to you, that I can remember _killing_ you, feeling your fucking _blood_ on my hands.” 

And those images, those goddamn memories, refused to leave Jason alone for single fucking second. Every single fucking time he closed his eyes, or let his mind drift, he’d see Roy on the ground, so bloodied that he was barely even recognizable, and he was standing over him with a knife.

And he could remember the _satisfaction_ he had felt from it. Satisfaction at killing the one goddamn person who had stuck by him through everything and more. 

“And that doesn’t change the fact that it could happen again.” Jason stared down at the palms of his hands, voice quiet and jaw clenched. “For real this time.”

Roy let out a quiet sigh and moved forward, clapping a hand onto Jason’s shoulder and squeezing. “You spend too much time worrying about what _could_ happen, Jaybird.” Roy wouldn’t say that it’d never happen or that he trusted Jason to stop before it got to that point. He wouldn’t insult them both with those lies when they both knew the truth. If the Pit took control, Jason wouldn't be able to do jackshit about anything that followed. He _wouldn’t_ be able to stop. 

But that didn’t matter right now, as Roy said and would continue to say until Jason got it through that thick skull of his. Because no matter what happened, none of it would be Jason’s fault. At least, not in Roy’s mind. Hell, if dying by Jason’s hand one day was the price he had to pay for sticking around to protect his sorry ass right now, then it’d be worth it. 

Not to say that dying wouldn’t suck, it totally would and Roy definitely _did not_ want to die anytime soon, but it’d be worth it. He’d have no regrets with it. 

“Sometimes you just have to live in the moment,” Roy said. There was a moment of pause, of hesitation, and then he was leaning up and kissing Jason. Though it was over just as quickly and he was pulling back with a cheeky grin. “Live in the moment, as I said.” There was something in his eyes though, something Jason couldn’t exactly place. He patted Jason on the cheek playfully before bending down to grab his tank top off of the mat and standing up straight once more. 

He glanced at Jason over his shoulder, who looked as if he was trying to figure out if that had really just happened or not. “Oh, also. If you don’t get your ass to bed and stay there for _at least_ the next fifteen hours, I’ll stick you in a room with the Roybots. See how long it takes for them to drive you crazy.”

Roy started to leave, but then paused, realizing that telling Jason to go get some sleep wasn’t as easy as he was making it sound considering the nightmares. Shit, it looked like he _couldn’t_ make some grand escape before Jason could question him about the kiss. Inwardly sighing, and then outwardly doing the same, he turned around and leaned against the doorframe. His eyes became oddly serious for him, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he looked at Jason. 

“Look...I get not being able to avoid the nightmares,” Roy said quietly. “But I also know being alone with them doesn’t really make it any fucking better. Company helps. Not being _alone_ helps. And since I’m just heading back to grab some shuteye of my own…” The invitation was there, if Jason wanted it. 

And Jason wasn’t too sure what he wanted right now, if he wanted something with Roy, if he was willing to _risk_ having something with Roy, but he did know one thing for certain; he didn’t want to be alone. Not right now.

And that was really all he needed to know for the moment to make a decision, even if it ended up being a stupid ass decision he’d regret later.

Jason sighed and dragged a hand back through his hair without looking right at Roy, indecision and then resignation flashing within his eyes. “Yeah, some company doesn’t sound too bad right now.” 

For now, he’d take things one step at a time.

That was all he could really do.

And for now, that was enough.


End file.
